Sunday, April 29, 2012
Continuing my thoughts
One thing I should add about the being a bitch thing: gelatinous character. People who are mushy, easily pushed around, shaken, bipolar, moody, over-dramatic, petty, stupid, sensational. People who are uninspired, shy, uncomfortable, intentionally unfunny, droopy, and are just generally a bitch is a much better qualified definition of who I'm talking about. People who are bitches!
These are the people who are the epitome of dull, uninspired, drones who...well they're already here and they're among us so it doesn't make sense to talk about them like they're something abstract or something to be imagined. These are the people, and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I want to do things. I want to go places. I want to experience cultures and languages and foods and people and places and things! I want experiences! I will have experiences! I will do these things and those things, all of these things, and it'll be great!
But these other people, who are bitches, they are the people who settle down after college, have kids, take a mortgage out, this and that, take the kids to Disney World etc. These are the people with mid-life crises. Those who thought to dare but never dared to dare. Those who could have but didn't. Their lives are boring. Their lives are full of...comfortable disappointment. I don't want that. I don't want that at all.
We all want this glamorous life of fame and fortune, to do all the world has to offer and then some. I don't really need fame, don't really want it either, and I don't need excessive wealth to be happy. I just want to do cool things. And these people, if they were to all of these things, if they were to all be pursuing similar objectives, well my experience would be somewhat sullied, no? If everybody seeks to go somewhere and do something, that thing isn't as interesting is it? If the tourists run Venice, does it have the same atmosphere?
It might be a good thing then, that there are bitches among us. There are those who thought to dare but never did to leave some fun to be had by those who did, and those who will.
Apply the same principle to economics. To politics. What do you find?
With a little thought you find that the world is a not-so-interesting place. Uninteresting in the capacity as a general condition of the human race. In other words, people are generally boring, but not everybody. I know some interesting people. But those are some people. Some people are not most people. And I don't mean to waffle, but I will acknowledge that everyone has their respective quirks and little interesting bits, their historical connections, but even with all of that taken into consideration, people are facile, and people are boring as shit.
They are boring, and they're insignificant. They're insignificant economically and politically. Some would argue that everyone is important in their way and we all matter just as much as the next person. I don't think anyone is that important. No man's life is worth more than the next's, not as a general rule anyway. No person's shit doesn't stink. But people, people in general, really don't fucking matter. It's like the most important person you can think of, the President, take for example, is very unimportant, and that makes the rest of the world really fucking unimportant.
People are drones. People are worker bees in the big hive of life. We all like to think that we're all working diligently and nobly to better ourselves, but it often doesn't work that way.
The people don't govern themselves. I don't know when exactly that went out the window, but people with money and guns govern the rest of us now. We are literally sheep, being protected from the wolves. How effective and necessary that protection is is obviously called into question, with all the war going on anymore.
And with wealth? The rich get richer, the poor multiply. That's a fact. All my experience points to that, and there is research out there to support it. (link) (nother link)And these poor people, they stay poor. It's almost like a condition. That sounds so haughty and condescending for me to say, and I feel kinda bad for saying it, but I'm not going to apologize or retract my statement. I know lots of poor people. I have friends who are poor. Poor people are not...to be avoided, no, they're just poor! They don't have money! And they stay that way! That's just how life works. And rich people, they have money, which in many ways can be made to make more money. It's one of the great forces in this whole game of society.
Boring people stay boring. Poor people stay poor. Rich people stay rich. Government is not by the people for the people, it's done by the small group of people to benefit them directly and pacify the masses, for the masses because the masses would lose their head if they had to run things. That's how I see it anyway. It's either that or the people who run the world really are trying their best at preserving peace and democracy, all that happy horseshit, and they're just doing a terrible job. That OR there is a group of super-elite motherfuckers who control the governments in the world, and they just have their own agendas for things, and those who we accuse of doing this or that wrong are all at the mercy of this super badass other group. Illuminati shit, man.
None of this means anything. I don't know anything. I'm probably not right. But I came up with a nearly cohesive thing to talk about for 1200 words.
This is over now. Now. Now. Now. Just trying to get closer....and we have...landed!
These are the people who are the epitome of dull, uninspired, drones who...well they're already here and they're among us so it doesn't make sense to talk about them like they're something abstract or something to be imagined. These are the people, and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I want to do things. I want to go places. I want to experience cultures and languages and foods and people and places and things! I want experiences! I will have experiences! I will do these things and those things, all of these things, and it'll be great!
But these other people, who are bitches, they are the people who settle down after college, have kids, take a mortgage out, this and that, take the kids to Disney World etc. These are the people with mid-life crises. Those who thought to dare but never dared to dare. Those who could have but didn't. Their lives are boring. Their lives are full of...comfortable disappointment. I don't want that. I don't want that at all.
We all want this glamorous life of fame and fortune, to do all the world has to offer and then some. I don't really need fame, don't really want it either, and I don't need excessive wealth to be happy. I just want to do cool things. And these people, if they were to all of these things, if they were to all be pursuing similar objectives, well my experience would be somewhat sullied, no? If everybody seeks to go somewhere and do something, that thing isn't as interesting is it? If the tourists run Venice, does it have the same atmosphere?
It might be a good thing then, that there are bitches among us. There are those who thought to dare but never did to leave some fun to be had by those who did, and those who will.
Apply the same principle to economics. To politics. What do you find?
With a little thought you find that the world is a not-so-interesting place. Uninteresting in the capacity as a general condition of the human race. In other words, people are generally boring, but not everybody. I know some interesting people. But those are some people. Some people are not most people. And I don't mean to waffle, but I will acknowledge that everyone has their respective quirks and little interesting bits, their historical connections, but even with all of that taken into consideration, people are facile, and people are boring as shit.
They are boring, and they're insignificant. They're insignificant economically and politically. Some would argue that everyone is important in their way and we all matter just as much as the next person. I don't think anyone is that important. No man's life is worth more than the next's, not as a general rule anyway. No person's shit doesn't stink. But people, people in general, really don't fucking matter. It's like the most important person you can think of, the President, take for example, is very unimportant, and that makes the rest of the world really fucking unimportant.
People are drones. People are worker bees in the big hive of life. We all like to think that we're all working diligently and nobly to better ourselves, but it often doesn't work that way.
The people don't govern themselves. I don't know when exactly that went out the window, but people with money and guns govern the rest of us now. We are literally sheep, being protected from the wolves. How effective and necessary that protection is is obviously called into question, with all the war going on anymore.
And with wealth? The rich get richer, the poor multiply. That's a fact. All my experience points to that, and there is research out there to support it. (link) (nother link)And these poor people, they stay poor. It's almost like a condition. That sounds so haughty and condescending for me to say, and I feel kinda bad for saying it, but I'm not going to apologize or retract my statement. I know lots of poor people. I have friends who are poor. Poor people are not...to be avoided, no, they're just poor! They don't have money! And they stay that way! That's just how life works. And rich people, they have money, which in many ways can be made to make more money. It's one of the great forces in this whole game of society.
Boring people stay boring. Poor people stay poor. Rich people stay rich. Government is not by the people for the people, it's done by the small group of people to benefit them directly and pacify the masses, for the masses because the masses would lose their head if they had to run things. That's how I see it anyway. It's either that or the people who run the world really are trying their best at preserving peace and democracy, all that happy horseshit, and they're just doing a terrible job. That OR there is a group of super-elite motherfuckers who control the governments in the world, and they just have their own agendas for things, and those who we accuse of doing this or that wrong are all at the mercy of this super badass other group. Illuminati shit, man.
None of this means anything. I don't know anything. I'm probably not right. But I came up with a nearly cohesive thing to talk about for 1200 words.
This is over now. Now. Now. Now. Just trying to get closer....and we have...landed!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
More reflections on life
I often feel that I'm missing something. Do you ever get that? That feeling you're forgetting something, that you're not in the loop, that you just...are missing something.
I'll be embarrassingly honest; I've never been in a meaningful relationship. I've never had a girlfriend with whom I spend a considerable amount of time. One might think as they read this, that I'm taking pity on myself and I'm clinically depressed, this post being my last address to the world before I end it all. Sorry Law and Order SVU, no one is dying about a blog today.
So I'm sitting here on a Sunday afternoon trying to think of ways to round out this post about my amazingly succinct romantic life, and I tell ya I'm having trouble.
People generally agree that dating when you're an adolescent and through your young adulthood serves you well. The justification being that one will better be able to find their 'soulmate' or just find a compatible marriage partner easier. But I don't see why you need to go through x number of relationships before you get married, or before you're even able to get married. I'm not saying everyone should have one and exactly one relationship in their life, and I'm not saying having several relationships over the years is a bad thing either. I'm saying that it's an unnecessary to force yourself, in a way, to date people, just to date people. I realize that finding one's soulmate or developing a meaningful, lasting relationship is not always the motivation for dating people. I know that teenagers and horny, and many of them agree to go together as long there is lots of sex. But I mean if you're fine not being in a relationship, you're doing your own thing, and you don't feel the drive to develop one, that's fine. I think that many people think, "If I don't date someone I'm not normal." Well, define normal. We generally think of normal as things the majority of the population take part in, the things that show up in pop culture, things like movies, shows, music and so on. Obviously everyone is different and we all differ from societal norms in one way or another. My exception, one of them anyway, is that I don't date. I don't go on dates. Well, I've been on exactly two, but they didn't lead anywhere, hence I've never had a meaningful girlfriend. And truth be told, I think people in high school, shit just people in general, are really bad at going on dates. Here I am, a guy with minimal dating experience, telling everyone else they suck at dating. So call me an ass.
I just think that lots and lots and lots of people are really, really, really boring. I think there is a serious lack of originality, of creativity, of general character. Nobody has any balls anymore. When I say balls I don't mean literal testicles, I mean metaphorical balls of not being a bitch. When I say bitch I mean that in the androgynous way of being...uncool, gay, partypooper, sore thumb etc. Everyone gets offended. Everything is an issue. Everything is this or that, is categorized. Taboos are off limits. Things are awkward. God that really pisses me off. SHIT IS NOT AWKWARD, YOU ARE AWKWARD! Okay? You make things awkward. You make something awkward. It is not the situation that is inherently awkward. Silence is not awkward. This is perfect example of how people suck at dating. Two people on a date: there is no conversation at the moment. What does that tell you? Many people would like to say, "Oh, well the date isn't going very well, they aren't talking." Others would say, "Awkward silence." Nope. It's called a peaceful silence. Words do not have to be coming out of your mouth for a date to be good. Constant conversation actually gets really, really annoying. Having silent moments are not awkward. You make them awkward. And filling a peaceful silence by shooting any random thing only broadcasts, "I'm really insecure about myself and lack self-confidence something fierce, here I'll make a bad joke and then laugh three times as much as you, even though I told it."
Maybe I'm too over-bearing. No, I'm really not. Maybe I'm abrasive. No, I'm really not. People are just bitches. I'm being serious. I don't how other than to explain it that way. People are always walking around with their guard up, with this facade of hunky-doory, saying to the world, "I'm doing just fantastic, this forced smile will prove it." And when people aren't doing that, and they are honest with themselves, they go into this different type of guardedness, a closed off kind, like a hermit. It's easy to see that people are like this, but if anyone tries to help or maybe even just asks the time, they're met with condescension and bitchiness. And I'm not being gender-specific. Girls, guys, everyone can do this.
I don't do that. I don't put up walls. I'm pretty well raw with people. Stone cold bluntness is my middle name. I should qualify my statement better. In my natural form I am totally blunt. I don't bullshit around with social or emotional stuff. Other people, in all of their bitchiness, don't like that, so I generally don't speak and act in my normal way because people would freak the fuck out. I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone. I'm not saying that I'm so cool and everyone else isn't, no. I'm simply explaining that I'm completely honest with myself and others about my emotions, or just about anything. I don't find it difficult to tell someone what I'm feeling. I don't veil my intentions in riddles, I don't pussyfoot around. I tell it how it is. And I don't find it necessary to bitch about things. One might argue that what I'm doing right now is bitching about people bitching. Well, sure, say that. But I'm not writing about my girlfriend, or my parents, or my siblings, or my teachers, or how hard my life is or how worried I am or how all I want to do is smoke weed. I don't have time for that. I am not one for petty bullshit. The sad thing though that I'm coming to find out is that people will never stop being petty and bullshitful. I could be sitting in a nursing home 100 years from now and there would be a person who hasn't matured a bit since they were thirteen. And that really makes me sad.
Stop being a bitch. And I'm talking to flabby, uninspired kind, not the cold-hearted kind. It just irritates me how many people want to live that clean, pure, mechanical suburban lifestyle, where everything is known and nothing is ever wrong, where the lawns are neatly mowed and all the neighbors just fucking love each other. Stop being delusionally optimistic about things. Be realistically optimistic. And then go have so cool experiences, outside of your sheltered little bubble.
I love this post.
I'll be embarrassingly honest; I've never been in a meaningful relationship. I've never had a girlfriend with whom I spend a considerable amount of time. One might think as they read this, that I'm taking pity on myself and I'm clinically depressed, this post being my last address to the world before I end it all. Sorry Law and Order SVU, no one is dying about a blog today.
So I'm sitting here on a Sunday afternoon trying to think of ways to round out this post about my amazingly succinct romantic life, and I tell ya I'm having trouble.
People generally agree that dating when you're an adolescent and through your young adulthood serves you well. The justification being that one will better be able to find their 'soulmate' or just find a compatible marriage partner easier. But I don't see why you need to go through x number of relationships before you get married, or before you're even able to get married. I'm not saying everyone should have one and exactly one relationship in their life, and I'm not saying having several relationships over the years is a bad thing either. I'm saying that it's an unnecessary to force yourself, in a way, to date people, just to date people. I realize that finding one's soulmate or developing a meaningful, lasting relationship is not always the motivation for dating people. I know that teenagers and horny, and many of them agree to go together as long there is lots of sex. But I mean if you're fine not being in a relationship, you're doing your own thing, and you don't feel the drive to develop one, that's fine. I think that many people think, "If I don't date someone I'm not normal." Well, define normal. We generally think of normal as things the majority of the population take part in, the things that show up in pop culture, things like movies, shows, music and so on. Obviously everyone is different and we all differ from societal norms in one way or another. My exception, one of them anyway, is that I don't date. I don't go on dates. Well, I've been on exactly two, but they didn't lead anywhere, hence I've never had a meaningful girlfriend. And truth be told, I think people in high school, shit just people in general, are really bad at going on dates. Here I am, a guy with minimal dating experience, telling everyone else they suck at dating. So call me an ass.
I just think that lots and lots and lots of people are really, really, really boring. I think there is a serious lack of originality, of creativity, of general character. Nobody has any balls anymore. When I say balls I don't mean literal testicles, I mean metaphorical balls of not being a bitch. When I say bitch I mean that in the androgynous way of being...uncool, gay, partypooper, sore thumb etc. Everyone gets offended. Everything is an issue. Everything is this or that, is categorized. Taboos are off limits. Things are awkward. God that really pisses me off. SHIT IS NOT AWKWARD, YOU ARE AWKWARD! Okay? You make things awkward. You make something awkward. It is not the situation that is inherently awkward. Silence is not awkward. This is perfect example of how people suck at dating. Two people on a date: there is no conversation at the moment. What does that tell you? Many people would like to say, "Oh, well the date isn't going very well, they aren't talking." Others would say, "Awkward silence." Nope. It's called a peaceful silence. Words do not have to be coming out of your mouth for a date to be good. Constant conversation actually gets really, really annoying. Having silent moments are not awkward. You make them awkward. And filling a peaceful silence by shooting any random thing only broadcasts, "I'm really insecure about myself and lack self-confidence something fierce, here I'll make a bad joke and then laugh three times as much as you, even though I told it."
Maybe I'm too over-bearing. No, I'm really not. Maybe I'm abrasive. No, I'm really not. People are just bitches. I'm being serious. I don't how other than to explain it that way. People are always walking around with their guard up, with this facade of hunky-doory, saying to the world, "I'm doing just fantastic, this forced smile will prove it." And when people aren't doing that, and they are honest with themselves, they go into this different type of guardedness, a closed off kind, like a hermit. It's easy to see that people are like this, but if anyone tries to help or maybe even just asks the time, they're met with condescension and bitchiness. And I'm not being gender-specific. Girls, guys, everyone can do this.
I don't do that. I don't put up walls. I'm pretty well raw with people. Stone cold bluntness is my middle name. I should qualify my statement better. In my natural form I am totally blunt. I don't bullshit around with social or emotional stuff. Other people, in all of their bitchiness, don't like that, so I generally don't speak and act in my normal way because people would freak the fuck out. I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone. I'm not saying that I'm so cool and everyone else isn't, no. I'm simply explaining that I'm completely honest with myself and others about my emotions, or just about anything. I don't find it difficult to tell someone what I'm feeling. I don't veil my intentions in riddles, I don't pussyfoot around. I tell it how it is. And I don't find it necessary to bitch about things. One might argue that what I'm doing right now is bitching about people bitching. Well, sure, say that. But I'm not writing about my girlfriend, or my parents, or my siblings, or my teachers, or how hard my life is or how worried I am or how all I want to do is smoke weed. I don't have time for that. I am not one for petty bullshit. The sad thing though that I'm coming to find out is that people will never stop being petty and bullshitful. I could be sitting in a nursing home 100 years from now and there would be a person who hasn't matured a bit since they were thirteen. And that really makes me sad.
Stop being a bitch. And I'm talking to flabby, uninspired kind, not the cold-hearted kind. It just irritates me how many people want to live that clean, pure, mechanical suburban lifestyle, where everything is known and nothing is ever wrong, where the lawns are neatly mowed and all the neighbors just fucking love each other. Stop being delusionally optimistic about things. Be realistically optimistic. And then go have so cool experiences, outside of your sheltered little bubble.
I love this post.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
A single thought
Am I the only one who doesn't write about essentially the same rehashed shit?
I'm not criticizing anyone. What you write about is your own thing and I'm not one to say that it sucks, but many do write about the same exact things. Maybe not exact, but there seems to be a limited domain of topics from which people get ideas to write about.
Someone tell me, read my stuff and then go read someone else's. Tell me if mine is not totally different
I'm not criticizing anyone. What you write about is your own thing and I'm not one to say that it sucks, but many do write about the same exact things. Maybe not exact, but there seems to be a limited domain of topics from which people get ideas to write about.
Someone tell me, read my stuff and then go read someone else's. Tell me if mine is not totally different
'Tis a day today
It is a day today. I find days interesting. They are the basis from which we derive the meaning of much of our time spent. Days form up to make weeks, (which are the the only unit of time to have no astronomical or physical derivative) and weeks make months, months make years. Years form to make decades and decades accumlate to make centuries, centuries accumulate to create millenia. And then it's just a long ass time after millenia, epochs and shit.
But time is a funny thing. I've been alive for nearly two decades, but if you ask if it has felt like a long time I would say no. When I think of all the individual memories I have, yes maybe it has been a good chunk of time, but relatively speaking this is the blink of an eye. This isn't even a blink. The time I've been alive has been the firing of the nerves that make the eye blink, and the signal hasn't even gone to the brain and back. I haven't spent any time at all here.
My, how I have changed though. I have gone from a fragile fertilized egg to a zygote, to an embryo without lungs or a brains, nor any motor skills. I have grown and changed, from an infant with rubbery joints and maleable bones to an adult-sized human with much stiffer joints and denser bones. I have gone from a pure, flawless, baby complexion to the complexion of an adult, with pores visible and stiff hair. What the hell?
It is an amazing thing, how life happens. And how much I have learned! I have gone from knowing literally nothing to knowing...well, lots of things. I have my doubts about knowledge and what not. I won't get into that. The part that I find fascinating is that I can be made of regular atoms and molecules and have the capacity to question my own existence. Who else can do that?
Right now I'm using an entire species' collective technology to communicate these thoughts, and what I'm saying is nothing new. Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, all sat around and thought about what the hell it meant to be. Shakespeare left his fingerprints all over the entirety of the literary dome of human consciousness with his philosophical musings translated to a thespian medium. It's such an old thing, to ponder one's existence, but it's so new at the same time. Has there ever been a definitive answer as to what exactly it is to be, why we are, or what we will be? No. Civilization has done its part in trying to fabricate trains of thought that explain this quandary, and it's called religion. For reasons I have already semi-discussed, and those same reasons I'm not about to stray from the topic. I say fuck religion.
I don't know what it means to be. I know what it's like to breathe, to wake, to sleep, to choke, to grieve, to rejoice, to kick, to eat, to poop, to puke, to experience. But I don't know what significance that has in the grand scope of anything. Even within this world, what do my experiences matter? They don't matter unless you make them matter.
To take a cynical route, about this world, and how we all want to make other things matter. Most people want their things to matter the most. We are all primal gibbons fighting for our share of an animal corpse, for our little patch of dirt to sleep on, for our mates with which to procreate. We are all struggling to eat a piece of the pie. All of this wanting to eat pie and struggling has resulted in countries, in wars, in prejudice, in much of the human condition. Many of the uglier parts, anyway.
Take a look at history. How many instances are there of widespread, genuine and lasting love for one and other? When was the last time there were no wars, no rape, no murder, or hate? When was the last time everyone thought, "Wow, this is just a great fuckin day to be alive."
I find it a little naïve to believe that the world is a truly pure and wonderful place. I think of those "The More You Know" commercials, the way they give inspiring and reassuring little tidbits. They are wrong. I know it sounds like shit, for me to belabor the point that the world is a pile of shit, but it's true a lot of the time. Not all of the time, but much of the time. I should add that this is the world through the lens of a human. Without humans or a human consciousness to question its existence and the society it exists in, all this is pointless.
Humans, with all their supposed complexity and fascinating qualities, are easily negative. It's easy to be negative. It's faster and more expedient to notice a thing's flaws rather than naming all of the things that are right with it. Humans do that to everything.
This post is frustrating me so I'm ending it. I may come back to this, I'd like to, but every time I say I definitely will I don't. So I say maybe.
But time is a funny thing. I've been alive for nearly two decades, but if you ask if it has felt like a long time I would say no. When I think of all the individual memories I have, yes maybe it has been a good chunk of time, but relatively speaking this is the blink of an eye. This isn't even a blink. The time I've been alive has been the firing of the nerves that make the eye blink, and the signal hasn't even gone to the brain and back. I haven't spent any time at all here.
My, how I have changed though. I have gone from a fragile fertilized egg to a zygote, to an embryo without lungs or a brains, nor any motor skills. I have grown and changed, from an infant with rubbery joints and maleable bones to an adult-sized human with much stiffer joints and denser bones. I have gone from a pure, flawless, baby complexion to the complexion of an adult, with pores visible and stiff hair. What the hell?
It is an amazing thing, how life happens. And how much I have learned! I have gone from knowing literally nothing to knowing...well, lots of things. I have my doubts about knowledge and what not. I won't get into that. The part that I find fascinating is that I can be made of regular atoms and molecules and have the capacity to question my own existence. Who else can do that?
Right now I'm using an entire species' collective technology to communicate these thoughts, and what I'm saying is nothing new. Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, all sat around and thought about what the hell it meant to be. Shakespeare left his fingerprints all over the entirety of the literary dome of human consciousness with his philosophical musings translated to a thespian medium. It's such an old thing, to ponder one's existence, but it's so new at the same time. Has there ever been a definitive answer as to what exactly it is to be, why we are, or what we will be? No. Civilization has done its part in trying to fabricate trains of thought that explain this quandary, and it's called religion. For reasons I have already semi-discussed, and those same reasons I'm not about to stray from the topic. I say fuck religion.
I don't know what it means to be. I know what it's like to breathe, to wake, to sleep, to choke, to grieve, to rejoice, to kick, to eat, to poop, to puke, to experience. But I don't know what significance that has in the grand scope of anything. Even within this world, what do my experiences matter? They don't matter unless you make them matter.
To take a cynical route, about this world, and how we all want to make other things matter. Most people want their things to matter the most. We are all primal gibbons fighting for our share of an animal corpse, for our little patch of dirt to sleep on, for our mates with which to procreate. We are all struggling to eat a piece of the pie. All of this wanting to eat pie and struggling has resulted in countries, in wars, in prejudice, in much of the human condition. Many of the uglier parts, anyway.
Take a look at history. How many instances are there of widespread, genuine and lasting love for one and other? When was the last time there were no wars, no rape, no murder, or hate? When was the last time everyone thought, "Wow, this is just a great fuckin day to be alive."
I find it a little naïve to believe that the world is a truly pure and wonderful place. I think of those "The More You Know" commercials, the way they give inspiring and reassuring little tidbits. They are wrong. I know it sounds like shit, for me to belabor the point that the world is a pile of shit, but it's true a lot of the time. Not all of the time, but much of the time. I should add that this is the world through the lens of a human. Without humans or a human consciousness to question its existence and the society it exists in, all this is pointless.
Humans, with all their supposed complexity and fascinating qualities, are easily negative. It's easy to be negative. It's faster and more expedient to notice a thing's flaws rather than naming all of the things that are right with it. Humans do that to everything.
This post is frustrating me so I'm ending it. I may come back to this, I'd like to, but every time I say I definitely will I don't. So I say maybe.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
@(#$*%&@!
More blogging...joy
I don't know what to write about. Come back in ten minutes see if there is anything worthwhile posted.
I'm not posting a different post; all I am doing is wasting time in hopes that an idea will come to me.
So Rick Santorum dropped out, which is great news. I hate that guy. He's the derpiest of the derps when it comes to fundamentalists and it honestly scares me a person like him could successfully enter national politics. He's a bigot and I don't like him.
I don't feel like taking on a heavy subject this time. I find that often I am more intense than most people and that can be good. It's tiring though. I am tired. I am just exhausted. I'm not even old yet. How am I this tired with so little world experience? I think it is an odd thing, to be old. The wisdom, the physical degeneration, the....oldness. Age is just a state of mind though, so maybe I will be forever young. I don't feel young. In some ways I do but in other ways...whoa, far from it.
So I went and bought some sunglasses the other day. I sat on my old ones and they broke. So I went to Walmart and bought some new ones for $6.52.
I took a shower this morning. I got dressed. I went to school. Learned some math, took some tests, woo hoo.
You ever get that stuff on your fingernails that makes a scuzzy film? I don't like it, I have to go wash my hands when that happens. I had some scuzzy stuff on my windshield this morning. I got rid of it using the little squirty things in front of the windshield.
Wow, I notice my writing really sucks when I write about my mundane daily happenings. Jesus, I'm not even thinking while I'm writing this stuff. This is why other people's writing sucks. Because they lack real cognitive substance. If they can't formulate it in their heads, they aren't going to be able to transfer it to writing and into a coherent work with focus. I've never thought of it that way.
The plural form of vagina is vaginae. Not vaginas.
I feel a headache coming on but I'm going to say that I will not get a headache because if I say I won't get one I won't get one. Boom. I am a bit fuzzy-brained though. Is this all that there is? Is this what life is like? I can't remember the last time I did something really, really, wholly and truly fun. Having fun costs money. No it doesn't. Life is what you make it. Having fun is fun because it is fun, and you make it fun by having fun. We live in a weird time though. To have fun requires some effort and sometimes, many times, imagination. Imagination is waning in this day and age of advertising and constant feeds of media bombarding people's minds.
There are always problems. If we lived in a perfect world where everyone was happy with everything the way that it is, we would have the problem of everything being too perfect. I sit here in a first-world country, with food in my belly and clothes on my body, electric lights and a generally healthful environment.
Fuck that paragraph. I'm not okay with that paragraph continuing. Wow am I having trouble typing this. Oh wow. This is more difficult than I had envisioned.
Totally forgot what I was going to say. Ohp, it may be coming back. Now it's gone.
It's 2:38 in the morning. I'm not sober. I'm not okay. I am not feeling well. I feel a bit brave, but aside from that I feel...scared...exposed...vulnerable. Ha, this must be what being a woman is like. That was a terrible joke.
I don't know what it's like to be normal. That's a sad thing, but that's also the first time I've ever said that/though it to myself, so it's a start. Enough of that sappy bullshit. I just want to get laid. That's all I want right now. Who the fuck cares about blogs or papers or homework or school in general? You ever meet somebody who doesn't know how to have fun? I don't get out much, so busy all the time, but when I do I have fun. Some people don't know what fun is. They are always..inside, away from the world..studying..or doing some other boring bullshit. I think that humans are fascinating animals, but with all our quirks and imperfections come a common trait: we all want to be loved. And love can take many different forms. Love can just be hanging out with a friend on a weekend. Love can obviously be spending a lifetime together, always together, bound an inexorable feeling to be with one and other. I don't know what love is. Romantic love, I should say. I love my mother and my father, even though sometimes I find it hard to. I love my brothers, even though it is harder yet to love them. But love for another person, a girlfriend? No. A wife? Whoa buddy, not in the picture. Nope.
I end my paragraphs because I get bored with them, even if I'm writing about the same thing. Love, though. Love love love love love. Fuck love. It's such a stupid word. Love. What the fuck?
I don't know how you define love. People sing about it so much, why haven't they figured that shit out? People want to write about love psychologically, but fuck that. People can't quantify love. Put words to it, right now. And don't just be some cutesy Hallmark bullshit about what love is, actually think. Think of a definition that is always true in all cases, all of the time. Can't do it, can you?
Didn't think so. In my infinitely minuscule and unimpressive wisdom I've come to think that love is something you feel when you're around someone long enough. When someone does enough for you, or you're invested in them in some way. We are animals that are programmed to care for others. And we do, it's as simple as that. Do I believe that there is one soul-mate for everyone in this world? No. I believe that are several, maybe dozens of people you're likely to fall in love with.
People want to say that your high school sweetheart are your future spouse. And some 70% bullshit statistic of high school couples get married, yea whatever. It's not because they love each other. It's because it's too inconvenient to move on. It's too much trouble. They obviously don't think of it that way, and their relationship becomes strained, it's simply a "I've been with this person so long, they must be the one for me" thought process. I don't have anything against high school couples that get married, it isn't my life. I just think the reason they got married was because they've been together a long time. You might want to say, "Well if they didn't love each other it would've ended." In high school there are a myriad of outside pressures telling you to stay in a relationship. After high school, these pressure obviously relax or disappear, but one becomes accustomed to thinking, "I have to stay with this person." And that's what it is. It's a subconscious unwillingness to allow to relationship to be strained, and if it comes to it, fail. Along with that, while you're in high school you aren't who you really are. Are you? Are you exactly how you are as you were in high school? Probably similar in many ways, yes, but exactly the same? No, and many people experience changes in their...them. People change. They honestly do. And call me a cynical prick but I don't think that the person you are in high school and the person you are later in life would fall in love with the same person.
So I'm slightly intoxicated, have to pee, sleep-deprived and I write the latter half of a post on love. Sweet life. What the fuck brain. What the fuck.
I don't know what to write about. Come back in ten minutes see if there is anything worthwhile posted.
I'm not posting a different post; all I am doing is wasting time in hopes that an idea will come to me.
So Rick Santorum dropped out, which is great news. I hate that guy. He's the derpiest of the derps when it comes to fundamentalists and it honestly scares me a person like him could successfully enter national politics. He's a bigot and I don't like him.
I don't feel like taking on a heavy subject this time. I find that often I am more intense than most people and that can be good. It's tiring though. I am tired. I am just exhausted. I'm not even old yet. How am I this tired with so little world experience? I think it is an odd thing, to be old. The wisdom, the physical degeneration, the....oldness. Age is just a state of mind though, so maybe I will be forever young. I don't feel young. In some ways I do but in other ways...whoa, far from it.
So I went and bought some sunglasses the other day. I sat on my old ones and they broke. So I went to Walmart and bought some new ones for $6.52.
I took a shower this morning. I got dressed. I went to school. Learned some math, took some tests, woo hoo.
You ever get that stuff on your fingernails that makes a scuzzy film? I don't like it, I have to go wash my hands when that happens. I had some scuzzy stuff on my windshield this morning. I got rid of it using the little squirty things in front of the windshield.
Wow, I notice my writing really sucks when I write about my mundane daily happenings. Jesus, I'm not even thinking while I'm writing this stuff. This is why other people's writing sucks. Because they lack real cognitive substance. If they can't formulate it in their heads, they aren't going to be able to transfer it to writing and into a coherent work with focus. I've never thought of it that way.
The plural form of vagina is vaginae. Not vaginas.
I feel a headache coming on but I'm going to say that I will not get a headache because if I say I won't get one I won't get one. Boom. I am a bit fuzzy-brained though. Is this all that there is? Is this what life is like? I can't remember the last time I did something really, really, wholly and truly fun. Having fun costs money. No it doesn't. Life is what you make it. Having fun is fun because it is fun, and you make it fun by having fun. We live in a weird time though. To have fun requires some effort and sometimes, many times, imagination. Imagination is waning in this day and age of advertising and constant feeds of media bombarding people's minds.
There are always problems. If we lived in a perfect world where everyone was happy with everything the way that it is, we would have the problem of everything being too perfect. I sit here in a first-world country, with food in my belly and clothes on my body, electric lights and a generally healthful environment.
Fuck that paragraph. I'm not okay with that paragraph continuing. Wow am I having trouble typing this. Oh wow. This is more difficult than I had envisioned.
Totally forgot what I was going to say. Ohp, it may be coming back. Now it's gone.
It's 2:38 in the morning. I'm not sober. I'm not okay. I am not feeling well. I feel a bit brave, but aside from that I feel...scared...exposed...vulnerable. Ha, this must be what being a woman is like. That was a terrible joke.
I don't know what it's like to be normal. That's a sad thing, but that's also the first time I've ever said that/though it to myself, so it's a start. Enough of that sappy bullshit. I just want to get laid. That's all I want right now. Who the fuck cares about blogs or papers or homework or school in general? You ever meet somebody who doesn't know how to have fun? I don't get out much, so busy all the time, but when I do I have fun. Some people don't know what fun is. They are always..inside, away from the world..studying..or doing some other boring bullshit. I think that humans are fascinating animals, but with all our quirks and imperfections come a common trait: we all want to be loved. And love can take many different forms. Love can just be hanging out with a friend on a weekend. Love can obviously be spending a lifetime together, always together, bound an inexorable feeling to be with one and other. I don't know what love is. Romantic love, I should say. I love my mother and my father, even though sometimes I find it hard to. I love my brothers, even though it is harder yet to love them. But love for another person, a girlfriend? No. A wife? Whoa buddy, not in the picture. Nope.
I end my paragraphs because I get bored with them, even if I'm writing about the same thing. Love, though. Love love love love love. Fuck love. It's such a stupid word. Love. What the fuck?
I don't know how you define love. People sing about it so much, why haven't they figured that shit out? People want to write about love psychologically, but fuck that. People can't quantify love. Put words to it, right now. And don't just be some cutesy Hallmark bullshit about what love is, actually think. Think of a definition that is always true in all cases, all of the time. Can't do it, can you?
Didn't think so. In my infinitely minuscule and unimpressive wisdom I've come to think that love is something you feel when you're around someone long enough. When someone does enough for you, or you're invested in them in some way. We are animals that are programmed to care for others. And we do, it's as simple as that. Do I believe that there is one soul-mate for everyone in this world? No. I believe that are several, maybe dozens of people you're likely to fall in love with.
People want to say that your high school sweetheart are your future spouse. And some 70% bullshit statistic of high school couples get married, yea whatever. It's not because they love each other. It's because it's too inconvenient to move on. It's too much trouble. They obviously don't think of it that way, and their relationship becomes strained, it's simply a "I've been with this person so long, they must be the one for me" thought process. I don't have anything against high school couples that get married, it isn't my life. I just think the reason they got married was because they've been together a long time. You might want to say, "Well if they didn't love each other it would've ended." In high school there are a myriad of outside pressures telling you to stay in a relationship. After high school, these pressure obviously relax or disappear, but one becomes accustomed to thinking, "I have to stay with this person." And that's what it is. It's a subconscious unwillingness to allow to relationship to be strained, and if it comes to it, fail. Along with that, while you're in high school you aren't who you really are. Are you? Are you exactly how you are as you were in high school? Probably similar in many ways, yes, but exactly the same? No, and many people experience changes in their...them. People change. They honestly do. And call me a cynical prick but I don't think that the person you are in high school and the person you are later in life would fall in love with the same person.
So I'm slightly intoxicated, have to pee, sleep-deprived and I write the latter half of a post on love. Sweet life. What the fuck brain. What the fuck.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Exhausted
Vague inspirational bullshit that gives you some look into what I'm going to talk about. Like it even matters. Who reads this shit anyways?
More satirical and self-deprecating humor. More cynical world views. More jadedness. More bullshit.
Ya know I'm really sick of those things. I'm sick of your totally fabricated smooziness you put on to pretend you like me. I'm sick of your utter lack of comprehension/cognitive capability. I'm sick of your lack of a personality. I'm sick of you, I'm sick of me, I'm just sick. Am I sick? Is it so unhealthy to think that people are totally and absolutely...just undesirable? No. No it isn't.
I have met few people that are not fake in one way or another. It is a rare chance that I find someone completely at ease with themselves, with their emotions, with their life. It is an uncommon occurrence I find someone I absolutely love talking to. I sound like a pompous ass. Do you think so? Quit reading.
It honestly escapes me why people are so...gay. Not gay in the homosexual sense but just gay in the not cool way. Seriously. It's unfucking believable. It's as if our society has trained people to only explore what is safe and known, which is a contradiction because you can't explore something you know. It's like parents are raising their kids in such a way that tells them, "Now if you ever experience anything even slightly exposing or raw in nature run away as fast as you can and become a silent hermit". I don't understand how that is a good idea. Social doctrines tell us that complimenting a woman on any part of her physique or poise makes you a pig, (i.e. "Nice legs") unless you're a rapper or a Jersey douchebag, then the bitches flock to you. Women are taught to be unresponsive/reject to advances from men, even if such an advance is approaching them to start a conversation. Anything experience outside of people's sheltered bubble is cause for a drama crisis. School is too hard, I think cutting my wrists will help. My parents don't love me, I'll drink some antifreeze. My life isn't as perfect as I'd like it to be, but I'm too lazy to actually do anything so I think I'll just complain to those around me about it. I mean seriously people shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. Shut your goddamn mouth. I want you to pop it, lock it, and throw away the key.
People think they're special but they are not. They are far from it. Do I think I'm special? No, and I'm not explaining any further than that. People want to be so great, and they want this and that and the other thing and they want the perfect relationship and they want 2.4 kids with a car and a dog and a summer home in Florida or California and it'll just be a hunky-doory life where the things to be concerned about most are things like the kids getting into the liquor cabinet, paying the mortgage on time, E Gad. What an exhilarating life. Why don't you go ahead and have sex with your wife on the same day of the same week of each month in the same room at the same time, just to stop off all the domestic mediocrity. They want this seemingly perfect domestic control and stability. People want to be sheltered. They want to be protected from the dangers of the world. They want of these normal things, yet if you ask them they would probably say that they're unique and exciting in some way or another. If they don't say they're unique and they admit they are totally boring and unimaginative well, kudos for being honest, but I'm still pissed at them for being okay with the fact that they are so plain.
Eccentrics are looked at with an eye of admiration and reverence, or so some would say. But when normal people meet truly unique and original people, what is their reaction? Would they want to hang out with them? Probably not. It's a "you have my attention but not necessarily my respect" kind of thing. Maybe closer would be, "I think you're great, but I'm going to observe from a distance". Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe everyone is actually this really interesting and cool and original and smart and funny person and I would just love to meet them, but you're all fooling me. Maybe we're all eccentrics, and we all want to hang out with each other. Those are all maybe's and they aren't true. Boring people, slow people (mentally), people with atocious health, depressed people, people with no goals or skills, what the fuck are they doing? (I should add that these things combined with apathy/a lack of willpower/indifference is what I'm talking about.) They are consuming resources and creating pollution, that's what they're doing. Have you ever met some like that? Just a shitty, shitty person all around? Someone who doesn't hold the door, who litters, who drives terribly, someone who steals cable, forwards spam, who speaks out of turn, who makes crass jokes, who dresses like an absolute dipshit? You know who I'm talking about? Have you met someone who is just awful at telling a joke or making any attempt at being funny? Have you ever met someone who just sucks? Have you? Have you ever met a dirty? Shoot them. Shoot the weak-willed, poor and stupid drones that are consuming with no contribution to society. I'm being serious!
People just piss me off. I mean to say, some people piss me off. Others I can deal with. Others I really enjoy being around. Others I encourage to find something to strive for. But the people that suck, dude I'm not kidding, fuckin kill em. Am I going to walk into school and start shooting up the place? No. Would I be okay with many of the dirties just disappearing? I would not be sad.
To round out with a happier note, I really love it when people are genuine. When someone is honestly and whole-heartedly into something, whether is be music or a sport, art or history, I absolutely cherish people that have real passion. People who have a passion to make a difference because of whatever are the best. That's something I see lacking in today's youth, or just people in general. I don't see any drive. I don't see any sparks. Progress is, well, not there.
Taking a trip down memory lane. When you were five people told you you could anything you wanted to be. If you wanted to be an astronaut no one was going to tell you no. If you wanted to be a trophy hunter on the plains of Africa, go for it. When you're a teenager all the changes and you're told to "grow up" and pick a "career" because a career is so much different than a job and a career will give you everything you ever need ever, and you'll be happy. If don't choose a career and you don't go to college, you're a loser and you will never amount to anything. Yup, sweet. This is a problem. People don't ask themselves what they really want to do anymore they ask themselves what they think they can stand without blowing their brains out. They try to find the most stable source of income. It's a "do what's safe, because whatever your actual goal is is not plausible" approach. It pisses me off. As stupid and cliche as it sounds, shoot for the stars. Fuck your parents and your boss and your teachers and statistics. Fuck other people influencing you. What do you want to do? Ignore your friends for a moment, your family, ignore everything, and ask yourself.
What do you want to do? Do you want to play this silly game of being normal and agreeable, of essentially being a sheep in the herd? Would you prefer a stable and predictable existence? Then keep doing what's safe, what's normal, what makes rational sense, rationalize your boring life as you wish. Or you go do something you really want to do and you can have original experiences.
What do you want to do? Do you want to play this silly game of being normal and agreeable, of essentially being a sheep in the herd? Would you prefer a stable and predictable existence? Then keep doing what's safe, what's normal, what makes rational sense, rationalize your boring life as you wish. Or you go do something you really want to do and you can have original experiences.
I'm done. My guess is many people won't take this seriously and just keep on living their lives as prescribed by the social norms and conventions that dictate so many people's lives. Oh, what a great day it is.
Monday, April 2, 2012
wondering why titles are necessary...
This is the start of what will be another series of installments of videos. I think this stuff is absolutely wonderful, and fascinating.
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