@(#$*%&@!

More blogging...joy

I don't know what to write about. Come back in ten minutes see if there is anything worthwhile posted.
I'm not posting a different post; all I am doing is wasting time in hopes that an idea will come to me.
So Rick Santorum dropped out, which is great news. I hate that guy. He's the derpiest of the derps when it comes to fundamentalists and it honestly scares me a person like him could successfully enter national politics. He's a bigot and I don't like him.

I don't feel like taking on a heavy subject this time. I find that often I am more intense than most people and that can be good. It's tiring though. I am tired. I am just exhausted. I'm not even old yet. How am I this tired with so little world experience? I think it is an odd thing, to be old. The wisdom, the physical degeneration, the....oldness. Age is just a state of mind though, so maybe I will be forever young. I don't feel young. In some ways I do but in other ways...whoa, far from it.

So I went and bought some sunglasses the other day. I sat on my old ones and they broke. So I went to Walmart and bought some new ones for $6.52.

I took a shower this morning. I got dressed. I went to school. Learned some math, took some tests, woo hoo.

You ever get that stuff on your fingernails that makes a scuzzy film? I don't like it, I have to go wash my hands when that happens. I had some scuzzy stuff on my windshield this morning. I got rid of it using the little squirty things in front of the windshield.

Wow, I notice my writing really sucks when I write about my mundane daily happenings. Jesus, I'm not even thinking while I'm writing this stuff. This is why other people's writing sucks. Because they lack real cognitive substance. If they can't formulate it in their heads, they aren't going to be able to transfer it to writing and into a coherent work with focus. I've never thought of it that way.

The plural form of vagina is vaginae. Not vaginas.

I feel a headache coming on but I'm going to say that I will not get a headache because if I say I won't get one I won't get one. Boom. I am a bit fuzzy-brained though. Is this all that there is? Is this what life is like? I can't remember the last time I did something really, really, wholly and truly fun. Having fun costs money. No it doesn't. Life is what you make it. Having fun is fun because it is fun, and you make it fun by having fun. We live in a weird time though. To have fun requires some effort and sometimes, many times, imagination. Imagination is waning in this day and age of advertising and constant feeds of media bombarding people's minds.

There are always problems. If we lived in a perfect world where everyone was happy with everything the way that it is, we would have the problem of everything being too perfect. I sit here in a first-world country, with food in my belly and clothes on my body, electric lights and a generally healthful environment.

Fuck that paragraph. I'm not okay with that paragraph continuing. Wow am I having trouble typing this. Oh wow. This is more difficult than I had envisioned.

Totally forgot what I was going to say. Ohp, it may be coming back. Now it's gone.

It's 2:38 in the morning. I'm not sober. I'm not okay. I am not feeling well. I feel a bit brave, but aside from that I feel...scared...exposed...vulnerable. Ha, this must be what being a woman is like. That was a terrible joke.

I don't know what it's like to be normal. That's a sad thing, but that's also the first time I've ever said that/though it to myself, so it's a start. Enough of that sappy bullshit. I just want to get laid. That's all I want right now. Who the fuck cares about blogs or papers or homework or school in general? You ever meet somebody who doesn't know how to have fun? I don't get out much, so busy all the time, but when I do I have fun. Some people don't know what fun is. They are always..inside, away from the world..studying..or doing some other boring bullshit. I think that humans are fascinating animals, but with all our quirks and imperfections come a common trait: we all want to be loved. And love can take many different forms. Love can just be hanging out with a friend on a weekend. Love can obviously be spending a lifetime together, always together, bound an inexorable feeling to be with one and other. I don't know what love is. Romantic love, I should say. I love my mother and my father, even though sometimes I find it hard to. I love my brothers, even though it is harder yet to love them. But love for another person, a girlfriend? No. A wife? Whoa buddy, not in the picture. Nope.

I end my paragraphs because I get bored with them, even if I'm writing about the same thing. Love, though. Love love love love love. Fuck love. It's such a stupid word. Love. What the fuck?

I don't know how you define love. People sing about it so much, why haven't they figured that shit out? People want to write about love psychologically, but fuck that. People can't quantify love. Put words to it, right now. And don't just be some cutesy Hallmark bullshit about what love is, actually think. Think of a definition that is always true in all cases, all of the time. Can't do it, can you?

Didn't think so. In my infinitely minuscule and unimpressive wisdom I've come to think that love is something you feel when you're around someone long enough. When someone does enough for you, or you're invested in them in some way. We are animals that are programmed to care for others. And we do, it's as simple as that. Do I believe that there is one soul-mate for everyone in this world? No. I believe that are several, maybe dozens of people you're likely to fall in love with.

People want to say that your high school sweetheart are your future spouse. And some 70% bullshit statistic of high school couples get married, yea whatever. It's not because they love each other. It's because it's too inconvenient to move on. It's too much trouble. They obviously don't think of it that way, and their relationship becomes strained, it's simply a "I've been with this person so long, they must be the one for me" thought process. I don't have anything against high school couples that get married, it isn't my life. I just think the reason they got married was because they've been together a long time. You might want to say, "Well if they didn't love each other it would've ended." In high school there are a myriad of outside pressures telling you to stay in a relationship. After high school, these pressure obviously relax or disappear, but one becomes accustomed to thinking, "I have to stay with this person." And that's what it is. It's a subconscious unwillingness to allow to relationship to be strained, and if it comes to it, fail. Along with that, while you're in high school you aren't who you really are. Are you? Are you exactly how you are as you were in high school? Probably similar in many ways, yes, but exactly the same? No, and many people experience changes in their...them. People change. They honestly do. And call me a cynical prick but I don't think that the person you are in high school and the person you are later in life would fall in love with the same person.

So I'm slightly intoxicated, have to pee, sleep-deprived and I write the latter half of a post on love. Sweet life. What the fuck brain. What the fuck.