On Familiarity #3

>> What I would call a quality relationship

Many relationships for young people are exaggerated flings. It is an uncommon occurrence for two young people (young people meaning people in high school) to form a truly meaningful and mutually binding relationship. I don't like that. I don't like stupid relationships. It bothers me. When two people are only interested in each other purely out of physical attraction, it seriously makes me want to punt a baby. Puke on my nice shoes. When two people put on performances for each other, going out of their way to impress/keep the other happy is equally as infuriating. It's sounds very chivalrous, to say that I respect people, and to value them for their very best attributes, and to be disgusted with those involved with them who don't see what I see. I'm not being chivalrous though. I like original, genuine characters. I like authenticity. I value true confidence, classiness. It makes sense then, that it pisses me off when a douchebag has smoothtalked his way into some girl's pants who is way out of his league. It's frustrating for two reasons: he almost certainly doesn't appreciate her, and she can do much better. He doesn't appreciate her because he's stupid, inconsiderate, doesn't appreciate himself, so he presents this facade of the happy-go-lucky guy who just wants to buy a van and take an adventure out to California, the whole way talking about other times he got high; or he cascades insufferably corny sweet sayings to her, which is a total and utter fallacy because he acts like he really appreciates her company and wants to be around her, when in truth it's a contest he's having with himself to see if he really can get her pants down. It's disgusting, and I've seen this happen time and time again.

I realize this sounds very cynical, but I find that the longer I live the more difficult it is to be believe there are things truly pure and good in the world. Sad, to think such a thing, but it's true. Not to say there is no purity or good to be had in the world, even if you could live to see a thousand centuries, there would be a speck of lasting optimism. A tiny gleam of light on the shore, looking in from a roiling ocean of filth, fallacy, sin, and deception. Jesus, I need to stop with these dark, illustrative tangents.

To be in love is a funny thing. Have I ever been in love? I really can't say with certainty. Within my limited scope of the world as a young adult I would yes, I have. If I think of the thousands upon millions upon millions of other people who have experienced the same thing, or something deeper, I would probably say no. Love is difficult to define. Sure, each person can come up with close to the same definition as the next guy, but what is love really? Some would say that it's the dependence of your happiness on someone else's. Okay, I can see that. Some others say it is deep and sincere affectionate feelings for another, often of the opposite sex. Yup, I can agree with that. Others say there exists a brotherly love. Yet others say there is selfless love, a genuine caring and compassionate demeanor towards everything. Still others will contest that being love is being lovedrunk, being so totally intoxicated with thoughts and feelings for the other person it completely distracts you from the rest of your life. Some say love makes a man mad, that it causes him to do things he normally wouldn't, to do rash things, to take unnecessary risks, to act weird. Some say love is to obsess, to be absorbed by something so completely and totally you would rather die than not have it. With all these differing kinds of "love", it's no wonder love is a difficult thing to define.

I find it annoying, the social conventions and norms that have evolved in my generation. Particularly, I'm talking about interactions between the two sexes. I think it good to first establish the fact that girls and guys like each other. It may seem silly, to have to state such a thing. I realize there are exceptions, (i.e. lesbians and gays) but the overall premise is obviously attraction to the opposite sex. Girls and guys like each other, but from what I have observed in my short time on this planet speaks to the contrary. When you are in kindergarten you inevitably hear that girls have cooties. Cooties are a real thing, make no mistake, and are quite uncomfortable to have, but girls in kindergarten almost certainly do not have them. If they do they stay home until the cooties are gone. I don't know why the girls had cooties, even now I really can't think of why adults or anyone else would come up with such a technique to keep playpens and playgrounds gender-segregated. Girls were icky. I remember going to day care. Girls thought boys were icky. This, although maybe somewhat true, is not. As weird as it sounds, when I was in preschool I had a girlfriend. I don't remember her name, all I remember is standing and looking sheepishly at her while she discussed how long we had been together, how committed I was to the relationship. I think back now and laugh, I hardly said a thing to her, if anything for that matter. I didn't think she was icky. I thought it was awesome, to have a girlfriend like my older brother. I, in my four-year-old naivety, thought we would grow up, get married and then do that special hug that makes babies. Oh, how laughable my lack of knowledge was that it created such binding and life-changing (though innocent) plans in a matter of minutes.

As the years progress, as you're well aware, the disconnect between male and female shrinks and shrinks, and before you know it there are hormones going absolutely nuts telling you that you are to mate with someone, preferably someone attractive with good genetics, and you're supposed to do it now. Such is what science tells us, and not what society tells us. Men and women are attracted to each other. One might assert then, that for that reason they would get along. Wrong. This is a terrible source to cite, but I'm citing it anyway as Google has failed me in producing relevant query results. The Notebook says it perfectly.

Noah: You're bored! You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.

Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch!

Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Allie: Stay with you? What for?

Allie: Look at us, we're already fighting.

Noah: Well, that's what we do.

Noah: We fight.

Noah: You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass, which you are 99% of the time.

Noah: I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. They have like a two second rebound rate and you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Allie: So, what?

Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that, because I want you.

Noah: I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

*Allie sobs*

Noah: Will you do something for me? Please? Just picture your life for me? Thirty years from now, forty years from now, what's it look like?

Noah: If it's with that guy, go! Go! I lost you once, I think I could do it again, if I thought it's what you really wanted. 

Noah: But don't you take the easy way out.

Allie: *tears* What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants?

Noah: Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?

*Allie shakes her head*

Noah: What do you want?

Allie: It's not that simple.

Noah: What do you want?!

Allie: It's not...

Noah: *exasperated* Damn it, what do you want?

Allie: I have to go.