couldn't think of a title

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."


-- Albert Einstein

Think about your future! Plan for college! How many kids are you going to have? What kind of job do you want to have? What kind of car? How much do you want to make? What part of the country do you want to live in? Have you thought about your health, what are you doing to ensure your health later in life? Huh? What are you doing now so the future can be so fucking great? Are you distracted from the moment yet? Are you so absorbed with the unknown that the known becomes clouded and albeit negligible? Hmm? Do you have a plan? Are your grades good enough? Are you stressed yet? Will you win the future? Will you? How are your friends? Are they good? What are you doing to make friends in the future? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?! HAH?! WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH HAVE YOU DONE TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE?! ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH?! ARE YOU?!

I say fuck that. I say fuck that and the horse it rode in on. I say fuck that into next Tuesday. The future is not here, and when it gets here it will be just as unfulfilling and mundane as the present. No amount of preparation is going to make you that much different than you already are. It won't change your opinion of yourself, and if anything others will think you a control freak and busy body, as well as a worry wart. Worrying, planning, hoping and concerning yourself over things yet to happen are all together counterproductive.

I will concede, as you can probably tell, that I'm pretty angry about this. I don't like deadlines. I don't like applications. I don't like big important dates. What makes one day so much more important than the next? Honestly. I used to have these ideas when I was a kid that on days like Christmas and my birthday the sun would shine and all would be merry and we would all sing in the streets. But the truth is that the world doesn't give a fuck what day it is, if it is Christmas or your birthday, the world is just as fast-paced and distracted as before.

So why does the world care so much about the future? The future represents the unknown, and that's one reason we're uneasy about the future because you obviously can't understand, comprehend, dominate, or control anything that you don't have knowledge of. I know we can make our best guess at many things in the future. But do you really know that it will happen without having it happen? The future is the unknown and we're scared of it. It's that simple. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm scared shitless.

Not only am I scared, but there is such a pressure and such a stress in this day and age on doing things now that there is an inherent anxiety about the future. It's awful. I am anxious probably eh, 70% of the time. Right now I'm anxious, although it is a mild anxiety. I've done all these things, consumed all these resources, spent all of my parents' money, and to what end? I'm expected to give something back to society, aren't I? The same society I'm supposed to give back to (for I inevitably took from it) is the same society that has created social and economic barriers for me to accomplish said giving back. I find it sad, honestly, that many people in this world aren't doing what they're doing because it's their passion, but because it's something that pays the bills that they don't hate enough to do anything about. It's sickening. We are like drones buzzing around a hive, competing for pollen and flowers with other drones, all in an attempt to get a tiny amount of sweet sustenance from our queen.

Are you doing what you want to do? Is this where you thought you would be? Are you happy?

I'm sure you've heard of John Lennon's famous quote on happiness:



"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life."

Julius is a funny word

Yo, broseph, you're fly is down. Although, what can't get up can't get out. Ba-zing!

Pop rocks and Pepsi. Hijack. Jackrabbit. Hammock.

Kinetic energy.

Koala bears and gummi worms.

I like apples. Apples like me. Apples are yummy, they are nutritious. I have apples, loo loo loo, apples have me, how does an apple have someone? Scary twilight zone stuff, man. Cold War.

I had a weird thing happen the other day. I saw a question on Reddit, in the subreddit of "askscience", it went something along the lines of , "What language do people who are born deaf think in?" I didn't read the whole post. In fact I didn't read any of the post at all. I just read the question and then went "huh" and kept on scrolling for funny things.

That question stayed at the back of my mind though, as many things do. It doesn't take a scholar to know that people learn language threw exposure to auditory recognition of sounds. Babies talk before they read, although you can teach babies to read before they talk, and you can teach them sign language, but putting those two things aside, assuming that one learns language first from hearing things, which a deaf person cannot do, you are left with a conundrum. Deaf people can't hear, they can't learn to recognize sounds, so they can't reproduce the sounds in their head, like we do, right? Right. So how do they think? Well how do babies think? They can think, can't they? Based on the amazed look on many babies' faces I would say yes, they are thinking about things. More likely they are overwhelmed at the amount of information that they are processing and they find the only way to cope with this immense overload is to sleep, cry or poop. And suck on their mom's tits. BUT ANYWAYS, the thing I was talking about. Thoughts are not limited to language. Do you ever think in emotions? You probably have, though you may not have noticed it. Have you ever felt that you experiencing something you had before, but you didn't have words to describe it? Many people would call it déjà vu, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I have a weird thing, and I've never known what to call it or if other people have this happen too. It's a smell. I don't produce the smell. I promise that. It's a smell that I smell, but it isn't a smell. It definitely happens in my nose, but it can happen anywhere, regardless of the surrounding smells. It happens when I'm having a good day. If I'm sick or stuffed up it doesn't happen. If it's a good day like a good day that everything that is good is happening is happening all at once, it doesn't happen. It's usually one or two things or events that are favorable that produce this smell/phenomenon.

It's like a faint whiff of sawdust and nostalgia. It it nice. It is prominent. It is odd. I can't explain it any better than that. It reminds me of my childhood, but again, it isn't a smell as I have yet to reproduce it. It's something my nose does that must smell the air differently or something.

My point is, that sometimes we experience things that we can't put words to, that we can't derive from anything, that we can't trace to whatever source.

I've done the same thing while thinking. They say that we think at something like 575 words per minute, and we speak at about 125 per minute, on average (there's lots on Wikipedia about this). That explains why we skip words when writing or typing. But sometimes I think too fast for that. You can too, we all think incredibly fast. Have you ever had a moment of inspiration, a moment of pure and clear thoughts that happen within the blink of an eye, faster than that. It's like an exponential power function. It just rockets off to infinity before your x-axis gets into the 20s. It fascinates me, and when I think like that, I don't use words. It's just..thoughts. There is no searching for the right word, for arguing with yourself, it -- lack for a better analogy -- is like revelation. That's what deaf people think in.

There simply isn't a need for words to be our thoughts, but it is most convenient for most of us for that to be our way of thinking about things. It's really kind of weird, to actually think about how we think. Right now I feel like I'm talking to myself, because it's my own words that are being heard in my head first and then reproduced on the screen, and wow am I having trouble hitting the right order of keys. Deaf people don't have any trouble thinking without words. Without audible words, anyway.

Americuh!

I've lost all faith in humanity...

Worth a Laugh

It's so true...

Goofy Tired Thoughts

One thing that annoys me is popular music. The thing that annoys me about it is the amount of vague philosophical bullshit people try to sound interesting with. I'm so depressed and romantic, I listen to Death Cab for Cutie. I'm such a hipster, I listen to Skrillex. I'm fun-loving and spontaneous, as well as two-faced, facile, and totally full of shit hopelessly romantic shit, I listen to any female pop star ever. I listen to alternative, I'm so likable and moderate in my demeanor. Fuck you.

Music is emotionally powerful, we all know that. Music stirs the hearts and minds of men and women alike, okay, that's all fine and good. 

But back in the day, when they were still writing truly powerful and complex works that evoked real emotion, stuff like Beethoven and Mozart that is, they didn't have lyrics. Some did, but even if they did they played not nearly as big a role as lyrics in today's music do. The focus was on the music and the music was excellent. That's what there was. Composers had inspiration for each piece, sure, and they shared it with the public. But for the most part people back then and even today, when they listen to classical music, good music, they create their own emotional reaction. They create their own deep and powerful emotions from the music. It's like reading a story with no pictures, when you have to imagine for yourself many things that aren't explained.

Nowadays we have re-packaged beats with hooks and lyrics using less than eight different words. Now we have lyrics being the complete and total essence of a piece of "music". There are no instrumental versions of pop music, are there? Pop artists have inspiration for writing songs, nothing different there, though 99% of the time it's either about being or falling in love, sex, or breaking up. They take that inspiration though, and they, or should I say their producers, turn it into words rather than music. They turn it into words, which are more or less fixed in their meaning and definite. Music has many rules, yes, but music in it's purest form does not have one way to be thought about or reacted to. Words, lyrics, are more or less all thought about the same way, more so than an arrangement of notes anyway, and so if you have a song which focus is on the lyrics, with minimal complexity in the music itself, people will think about and react to said piece of music much in the same way. When you listen to a Kesha song, there's no turning to the guy next to you and asking them what they thought about it. "It's about a white bitch gettin drunk and probably havin sex..." would likely be his response. There's no essence, no soul. 

Music today is not very good, yet people still contest that it makes them philosophers, and "says everything I can't" or "describes perfectly how I feel". I find this to be, well, bullshit. If you have a song, say, and it's about breaking up, say you are just coming out of a relationship and you're listening to this song. Say in the song the lyrics tell of a generic break-up scenario, blah blah blah...Romeo and Juliet...teardrops on my guitar..shit like that. You want to relate to this song. You want this song to empathize with you and serve as a pathway for these volatile emotions to exit though. But, the song isn't accurate. It's too specific to someone else's idea of a breakup. It's sad, yes. It's reflective, yes. It may be a bit hateful, yes. But it doesn't serve the purpose of music, to reflect and enjoy your newfound enlightenment. It just is; it's comprehended and that's it. It's a generic approximation of something that happens to people, most often love stories or breakups. Pop music produces music that people have to conform to. There is no "this what I think this song is saying" or "I felt that the artist's intent was..." People are taking fixed music and applying it to their lives and then saying "oh this artist gets me so well" or "oh my gosh so says I feel right now". No. The song doesn't say it, you say you say/feel it, and then you say it again to everyone. 

Fuck pop music.

To make three posts a week

Continuing the creationist videos...it's really good stuff

Move B*tch, I said get out the way

Fuck a duck in the morning
Screw a kangaroo in the afternoon

What if grasshoppers carried six shooters? Birds wouldn't fuck with 'em.

Ten-four Big Chicken, I hear ya cluckin'

Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes...

Looking around the room, I write about things I see to get me started. I see many people looking intently at their computer screens, people reading, people sleeping. I see people copying homework from their friends. I see people bounce their leg and play with their pencil. I see people attacking their keyboards because they need to get this paper done NOW! I see complacent countenances and bored looks on faces. I hear Rent. People blowing their nose much too softly. Tapping on the chair.

Thoughts. Always there. Always there in the forefront or back of my mind, depending on the time. Thoughts. Things thought about. Life. Future. Now. Then. What does that mean? I don't know. It means I'm alive. I look around at these people and I wonder what they'll being doing in ten years, in twenty. I wonder if they're happy, and if they'll be happy then too. I wonder if they have worries and dreams and goals and fears just like me, but I never ask. No, that wouldn't be a cool things to do. And then I wonder, "Do they ask these things about me?" Wow, I guess I've never tried to think of myself from someone else's perspective. I've never been good at that sort of thing, empathizing with someone. A foot tapping on the floor. A chair makes that noise a chair makes when one stands up. Another person blowing their nose.

I also wonder, what these people are doing now. What are they thinking about? Their afternoon maybe, or their plans for the weekend. Am I the odd one that thinks of what others are thinking? Maybe. Are they carrying baggage from something? I don't even know if these people all have parents. I don't know them, and it's really weird. They don't really know me either then, I suppose. Not that I think anyway...

A pencil twirls. I look at the clock. Fifteen minutes left. Someone texting furiously. Are they mad at someone, or is it just urgent? To call them would be too inconvenient. Back fat spilling over the top of the chair, what the fuck man? Did you just wake up one day and you were three hundred pounds? I doubt it. More typing. A sniff. A phone call heard by only the quietest of whispers in the corner.

Am I alive? What am I doing here, in this classroom, writing a philosophical repose of the class. What would I being now if I were born in a different country? I could be crammed in an over-crowded subway in China, or doing shots of vodka at lunch in Moscow, or worshipping cows in India. I could be burying my parents in Africa. I could be hoping my house doesn't become engulfed by a landslide in South America. Neat to think about, that. Everything that is happening in the world right now and what I'm doing right now and how insignificant it is in comparison. Then to think of things like the scale of the Sun and the vastness of the universe, really makes you wonder, am I that big of a deal?

No, we really aren't. Humans collectively make next to no difference in anything ever. Among our own affairs yes, but in the grand scheme of things we are but a spectating speck of dust, drifting aimlessly through time and space. Life is still good though. For the time that we've got, I would prefer to enjoy it.

I will enjoy my time, yes. Are these other people enjoying themselves right now? Do they take time to have fun? One can speculate, but one really can never truly know someone. Someone biting their nails. Shouldn't do that, it's a bit gross. Four minutes left in class. People getting anxious to run off to their next class.

Take time, and enjoy life. I'll remember that as I'm walking as fast as humanly possible to get to class. I'll remember that next time I'm driving 15 mph over the speed limit because I'm late. I'll remember that, to remember that, as many people don't.

Your Face

I'm tired of talking about relationships, at least for the moment.

It seems that this Kony phenomenon is pretty popular, so I suppose I'll mention it before I get on with my actual post.

Kony is a warlord in Africa, woop dee doo. He kidnaps children. Okay, that's not so cool. A team of scumbag filmmakers produce a good quality video about Kony. Entire country flips shit. It really amazes me, how easily people can be rallied behind a cause, even if all of that rallying occurs via retweets, hashtags, and like buttons. Armchair activism powers activate! Let's send money too! We hate being in Iraq and Afghanistan, but by George if we don't invade Uganda (which isn't even where Kony is anymore) America is totally effed. It pisses me off how quick people are to jump behind things they know nothing about, which is mainly why I'm skeptical of almost anything, even good things, and one reason I dislike people in general as well as this country. James Baldwin once said, "I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually."

People are absolutely the most frustrating animals on the face of this planet. It's 60 degrees outside lady, turn the f*cking heat down. I'm sorry if I notice you're wearing revealing clothing, you stupid b*tch. I'm sorry but I'm not sorry that I'm upfront and blunt with what I think about what you're saying/doing. Sorry, not sorry when I think you're totally full of shit. Seriously people, I know bullshit when I see it and the only thing that aggravates me more than dealing with bullshit is dealing with people creating a more massive shitstorm when you say to them, "you're completely full of shit and I'm telling you so, so you're aware that not everyone cares for your haughty and removed demeanor you facile f*ck."

Let me give an example:

Person: What's a weird quirk you have about you?

Me: I tear my hangnails off all the time.

Person: Eeeewwwwwww, that's disgusting!

Me: You asked me for a quirk/weird thing that I do, which is a quirk is in the first place. Get over yourself.

Person: No you're gross...la la la la la la la la la fuck you I'm better than you you're stupid aaaaaahhhhhhhh I WIN!!!

Me: What's one quirk about you?

Person: Don't talk to me.

Me: Come on tell me.

Person: It's awkward.

Me: It's only awkward if you make it awkward, so tell me.

Person: I like to have sex with dead bodies.

Me: That's a psychological illness, you should probably get help with that.

Person: NO I DON'T NEED HELP AAAAAHHHHH I DON'T LIKE YOU AAAAAHHHHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP

Me: I'll slice your face off if you don't stop.

Person: AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH DON'T TALK TO ME AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH
I WIN AGAIN!!!

Me: *walks over to their house and stabs them 29 times in the chest, slices the face off, wraps their body in plastic, loads them in the trunk, drives out to the desert and digs a vertical grave for the corpse, lowers it in and covers it back up, drives away whistling*

People are immature, subversive, selfish, and stupid. Have you ever gone to high school? It really fascinates me that when we're little we are taught to love and respect each other out of the goodness of being a person, but as we age, for reasons I can't accurately explain, all of us, no matter how cheerful and pure, gain a perspective of some cynicism toward the world. It really is a sad thing I think, the fact that humans don't get along with each other. And it's even a sadder thing to think that many of us have this notion when we are younger that when we grow up everyone will get along and the world will have many less suffering souls. That would make things too nice though.

How do we remedy this? Does it even need to be remedied? I don't know. I would say yes, people should be nicer to each other just to be nice to them, but then I would be a hypocrite because there are some people that I will always treat a certain way. Think about it. One is often told that you can't judge a book by it's cover. This much may be true, but it is the most immediately effective approximation of how the book will be. If you were to not form any opinion of anything by judging it at face value, but rather you were explore everything fully and completely before forming your opinion, you'd never make it out of the house. You would read many a terrible book the whole way through before going, "Wow, this book really sucks." Every person that cared to ask you out would have to be listened to and experienced before you realized there is no way you're attracted to them in any way whatsoever.

People judge people. You and I and everyone else judges people. Some judgments are necessary, such as when meeting a new person, you must correctly judge their sex, age, and marital status to interact with them politely. Other judgments aren't as necessary, but they happen anyway, such as what clothes they are wearing, jewelry, hairstyles, relative beauty, etc. Another judgement people we make about each other is skin color. It isn't really a judgment as much as an observation, but our observations about others are the basis of our judgments of them. We see people of a different skin color, what's our first reaction? Many people would like to say no reaction, or a reaction of compassion and kindness. I'm confident when I call bullshit on that. Google "baby studies racism" and you'll find the studies I'm talking about. Think about it. Way back in the day of primeval man, we lived in tribes. Tribes were delicate cooperative groups that survived together. Tribes have to be revolve around a strong sense of trust. If you're in a tribe and all of you are the same color, and one day you meet a different tribe, how do you think you two will react to each other? Even if you're the same color you won't like each other, and if you're different colors you'll most certainly flip out. It's an association thing. You are one color, you grow up around one color, you associate your color with security, home, food, happiness, family, etc. A tribe of another color, even if they're the same color you don't associate them with the same things as your tribe, and because you're in a tribe, and your thought processes are limited, you view a different tribe as a threat. Now maybe over time these two tribes can come to know each other and learn to live collectively, but it's also very probable, if not more probable that they will either try to kill each other or distance themselves from each other.

Humans don't like other humans. It's part of our biological leash of traits we can't escape, no matter how hard we'd like to tell ourselves otherwise.

Blargh

Piss your pants funny